Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangster
Hey Blogstalkers! Remember back in October when I buried a dead bird in our front yard? And I promised you all I would share the rap eulogy I wrote in honor of the small bird? And then I never did?...
View ArticleOh You're So Cute! Like A Chipmunk! Yeah, Like an Evil Biting Chipmunk Old...
Good Afternoon Blogstalkers! First I want to mention that late on Friday I actually added a video update to the last post. A video of me rapping, so check that out if you want. It's quite good.Today...
View ArticleIn The Words Of Elizabeth Lemon - BLERG
Hey Blogstalkers. Forgive my absence yesterday and today. I neglected to get a flu shot this year and thus am now suffering from what I can only assume is Turtle Flu from the way it is making me want...
View ArticleNow With Realistic Crying Sounds
I can't believe it's been an whole week since I last posted. Have you missed me Blogstalkers?I apologize for my absence but as I said before I had the flu. And it was BAD. So bad that at one point I...
View ArticleDanica Patrick Has Nothing On Me...Except for Maybe She Looks Better Wearing...
It's a rainy dreary day in Chicago today Blogstalkers. So I thought I would write about something exciting to lighten the mood: the perks of being a wallflower owning a grocery store. Has everyone...
View ArticleI've Got No Heat To Keep Me Warm
Good Morning/Afternoon Blogstalkers!So right now in Chicago it is 4 degrees outside. And I have no heat. We haven't had heat since yesterday afternoon. We made it safely through the night with three...
View ArticleAnd Now I Must Skedaddle Lickety-Split to the Gym with my Furphy and Practice...
Hey Blogstalkers!If you've read my last post (or follow my extremely-complainy-butt on Facebook) then you know that we've been having a lot of heating problems lately. For a time we were making-do...
View ArticleRemember Birthdays (Like A Boss), Prank An Intern (Like A Boss)
Good closer-to-Morning-than-usual Blogstalkers!So lately I've been having some trouble coming up with blog post ideas. And when this happens I have a couple of things I do to help me brainstorm. I...
View ArticleI'm The Smart Pig, The One That Built Its House Out Of Bricks
Hey Blogstalkers!Today I woke up and had a flash of inspiration. So after some serious thought and planning, I sent Ryan this email.Hello Ryan Darling,I hope your day is going swimmingly. This...
View ArticleTry Saying "Shower Massage" or "Unique New York" Five Times Fast
Today Blogstalkers, I shall tell you of the lovely thing that happened this weekend at Quizno's. Truth be told, it is probably the only lovely thing that has ever happened at a Quizno's. Because, you...
View ArticleToo Excited To Think Up Title
Hey Blogstalkers!I do not normally post too often on Tuesdays but something just happened about which I must tell you right this minute before I become too overcome with shrieks and flails and fainting...
View ArticlePut You To Bed When You've Had Too Much To Drink, I Could Be The Man Who...
Hey Blogstalkers!If you've read my most recent post then you know that Ryan whisked me away to Disney World last week as a surprise that fell unintentionally on Valentine's Day. We spent part of the...
View ArticleWin A Date With OJ
Holler At You Blogstalkers.I spent this morning trying to think of a post idea and eventually was about to just give up and post lots of pictures of OJ since you all seem to love him so much when it...
View ArticleI've Eaten Seven Clementines Today Already. This Has Nothing To Do With The...
Happy Belated Valentine's Day Blogstalkers!I was planning to do this post last week but then I had to go to Disney World and so it fell by the wayside. So since I am always willing to extend a holiday...
View ArticleRock The Vote!
Hey Blogstalkers! I'll be back at you in a bit with a real post for today but for now, take a second to vote for your favorite inappropriate candy heart slogan? Create your free online surveys with...
View ArticleI Am So Angry At Past-Lauren Right Now. Who Did That Girl Think She Was?
Hello my lovely Blogstalkers!This afternoon I got an interesting call from my Dad, who was very confused about something that had come in the mail. It was addressed to me but as that happens randomly...
View ArticleThe Wicked Witch of the Park
Afternoon Blogstalkers. Today I am going to spin you a yarn about my youth. So grab a Snapple and a handful of Triscuits, sit back and relax.Welcome to the south suburbs of Chicago. A quiet...
View ArticleAnd Now If You'll Excuse Me, I Think I May Have Exfoliated Too Much Skin Off...
TGIF Blogstalkers, am I right?It's been a long week around here. I accidentally shrunk my favorite sweater, befouled my newly immaculate kitchen by trying to take a scalding hot bowl of spaghetti out...
View ArticleYou Take The Good, You Take The Bad, You Take Them Both and There You Have -...
Hey Blogstalkers!My poor sweet Ryan was so sick this weekend so I pretty much only left the house to collect sandwiches for lunch and medical supplies. He did scamper off to work this morning seeing...
View ArticleAnd Then I Told The Biggest Lie I've Ever Told - I'm Not Weird!!
Hello my lovely beautiful Blogstalkers!First a little catch-up on what's been going on with me. If you don't follow me on Facebook, what has happened is this:Monday afternoon my right side erupted...
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