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Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangster

Hey Blogstalkers!  Remember back in October when I buried a dead bird in our front yard?  And I promised you all I would share the rap eulogy I wrote in honor of the small bird?  And then I never did?...

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Oh You're So Cute! Like A Chipmunk! Yeah, Like an Evil Biting Chipmunk Old...

Good Afternoon Blogstalkers! First I want to mention that late on Friday I actually added a video update to the last post.  A video of me rapping, so check that out if you want.  It's quite good.Today...

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In The Words Of Elizabeth Lemon - BLERG

Hey Blogstalkers. Forgive my absence yesterday and today. I neglected to get a flu shot this year and thus am now suffering from what I can only assume is Turtle Flu from the way it is making me want...

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Now With Realistic Crying Sounds

I can't believe it's been an whole week since I last posted.  Have you missed me Blogstalkers?I apologize for my absence but as I said before I had the flu.  And it was BAD.  So bad that at one point I...

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Danica Patrick Has Nothing On Me...Except for Maybe She Looks Better Wearing...

It's a rainy dreary day in Chicago today Blogstalkers.  So I thought I would write about something exciting to lighten the mood: the perks of being a wallflower owning a grocery store. Has everyone...

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I've Got No Heat To Keep Me Warm

Good Morning/Afternoon Blogstalkers!So right now in Chicago it is 4 degrees outside.  And I have no heat.  We haven't had heat since yesterday afternoon.  We made it safely through the night with three...

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And Now I Must Skedaddle Lickety-Split to the Gym with my Furphy and Practice...

Hey Blogstalkers!If you've read my last post (or follow my extremely-complainy-butt on Facebook) then you know that we've been having a lot of heating problems lately.  For a time we were making-do...

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Remember Birthdays (Like A Boss), Prank An Intern (Like A Boss)

Good closer-to-Morning-than-usual Blogstalkers!So lately I've been having some trouble coming up with blog post ideas.  And when this happens I have a couple of things I do to help me brainstorm.  I...

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I'm The Smart Pig, The One That Built Its House Out Of Bricks

Hey Blogstalkers!Today I woke up and had a flash of inspiration.  So after some serious thought and planning, I sent Ryan this email.Hello Ryan Darling,I hope your day is going swimmingly.  This...

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Try Saying "Shower Massage" or "Unique New York" Five Times Fast

Today Blogstalkers, I shall tell you of the lovely thing that happened this weekend at Quizno's. Truth be told, it is probably the only lovely thing that has ever happened at a Quizno's.  Because, you...

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Too Excited To Think Up Title

Hey Blogstalkers!I do not normally post too often on Tuesdays but something just happened about which I must tell you right this minute before I become too overcome with shrieks and flails and fainting...

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Put You To Bed When You've Had Too Much To Drink, I Could Be The Man Who...

Hey Blogstalkers!If you've read my most recent post then you know that Ryan whisked me away to Disney World last week as a surprise that fell unintentionally on Valentine's Day.  We spent part of the...

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Win A Date With OJ

Holler At You Blogstalkers.I spent this morning trying to think of a post idea and eventually was about to just give up and post lots of pictures of OJ since you all seem to love him so much when it...

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I've Eaten Seven Clementines Today Already. This Has Nothing To Do With The...

Happy Belated Valentine's Day Blogstalkers!I was planning to do this post last week but then I had to go to Disney World and so it fell by the wayside.  So since I am always willing to extend a holiday...

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Rock The Vote!

Hey Blogstalkers! I'll be back at you in a bit with a real post for today but for now, take a second to vote for your favorite inappropriate candy heart slogan? Create your free online surveys with...

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I Am So Angry At Past-Lauren Right Now. Who Did That Girl Think She Was?

Hello my lovely Blogstalkers!This afternoon I got an interesting call from my Dad, who was very confused about something that had come in the mail.  It was addressed to me but as that happens randomly...

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The Wicked Witch of the Park

Afternoon Blogstalkers.  Today I am going to spin you a yarn about my youth.  So grab a Snapple and a handful of Triscuits, sit back and relax.Welcome to the south suburbs of Chicago.  A quiet...

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And Now If You'll Excuse Me, I Think I May Have Exfoliated Too Much Skin Off...

TGIF Blogstalkers, am I right?It's been a long week around here.  I accidentally shrunk my favorite sweater, befouled my newly immaculate kitchen by trying to take a scalding hot bowl of spaghetti out...

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You Take The Good, You Take The Bad, You Take Them Both and There You Have -...

Hey Blogstalkers!My poor sweet Ryan was so sick this weekend so I pretty much only left the house to collect sandwiches for lunch and medical supplies.  He did scamper off to work this morning seeing...

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And Then I Told The Biggest Lie I've Ever Told - I'm Not Weird!!

Hello my lovely beautiful Blogstalkers!First a little catch-up on  what's been going on with  me.  If you don't follow me on Facebook, what has happened is this:Monday afternoon my right side erupted...

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